When the time is right: An adoption story

I have a cacophony of thoughts swirling in my head about the events in the world. However, for this commentary, I will stay close to home.

My capacity for grieving was stretched in the first couple of months of this year. My beloved cat of 14 years became visibly ill. He was such a comfort as I grieved my husband’s passing. It became obvious that his illness was terminal and he was suffering. With the support of two friends, I had him euthanized in my arms.

My birthday is in the second week of March. My good friend gave me the gift of the cost of the adoption of a cat. She knew how much I missed having a furry friend. Her hope was that I would act promptly. I made a quick trip to our wonderful cat shelter, Cats Angels. However, I was not ready. It was not for a lack of cuteness marauding around in their cat room.

I made mental excuses for my inaction. I did not have to plan for pet care when going on vacation. It was less expensive. No litter box issues, etc. In retrospect, I was shielding myself from the vulnerability of being hurt by another loss. It also felt disloyal to the memory of a cat I had loved for 14 years to get another so soon. My animal-loving friends encouraged me and made suggestions. I contented myself with funny cat videos and scrolling through Petfinder.

Not long ago, a friend called me from the Cats Angels cat room to tell me there was a new cat that looked a lot like my former cat and had a nice personality. My gallery mate and I put a closed sign on the door and went down the street to see him. I had a reaction I did not expect. He looked so much like my former cat; a wave of sadness washed over me. I needed to leave.

I decided two things after that: this was something I needed to do myself and I wanted a cat that did not look like my former one. I kept an eye on posts from Cats Angels and the Humane Society.

One post from the Humane Society soon caught my eye. They had a recent influx of cats for adoption, including a 3-year-old calico female who would do best in a calm environment. I went to meet her the next morning. While young male tabby cats raced around their expansive cat room, this calico was sat quietly on a mat in the back of a cage. The helper said, “I put her in there to give her some peace.” She brought the cat out and handed her to me. We sized each other up. Then the helper said, Her owner died, and she was found in the house alone.” I surprised myself by blurting out, “I’ll take her.” We had both been grieving.

Sammie and I have lived together for just over a week and things are going very well. Neither of us slept very well that first night. She spent it rubbing her head against my face and purring. I think she was thanking me for getting her out of there. Now she is quietly content. She is not talkative. She does have her own way of letting me know what she wants. On day 3, she began to play. I am learning what she likes to play with and offering various options.

The Humane Society gave me her sleeping mat and blanket. I put them on top of a sheepskin I draped over an antique chest under the window in my bedroom. She did not sleep on them.

I thought, “Maybe she needs a more cozy space.” I found a cardboard box with low sides and put the mat in there with a couple of toys. I left it there for a night or two. She ignored it. Several days ago, I thought, “This isn’t working.” I plopped the box and all out of the way onto the floor. Almost immediately, a little nose started sniffing the edge of the sheepskin. Then, she hopped up on it, sniffed some more, curled up and laid down. Success! She now washes the sheepskin like it is her best friend and buries her nose in it.

I described all this to a friend who said, “She didn’t want anything that smelled like her old life or sorrow. She was done with it.” Is this little cat more intuitively wise than most of us?

When offered the opportunity for a new life, she took it and is not looking back or holding on to former things. She let it go.

I hope my cat adoption story gives you an opportunity to reflect on your own needs around any grief you carry. I also hope that if there is something you need to let go of, you do it without hesitation.

With love, from Sammie and me