Fathering in a time of hyper masculinity

My only qualification for writing on this topic is that I had a father. I love seeing the young dads of today walking downtown, wearing baby carriers on their chests or pushing strollers. I also love seeing videos of girl dads allowing their little ones to put bows in their hair or nail polish on their nails. That did not happen in my childhood. I could not put a bow in my father’s hair anyway, because he buzzed what remained of his hair.

My dad did run alongside my bike, holding the wobbly rear fender as I pedaled down the street for the first time without training wheels. He took me on rides on the boardwalk. His route to work passed my high school, where he dropped me off and, to my embarrassment, insisted on kissing me goodbye. He’d also give me lunch money.

In one incident, my dad erupted into a ferocious protector. During summer break from college, I waitressed at a local diner in New Jersey. The owner of the diner yelled frequently and was notoriously unfair to employees. When my dad came into the diner to let me know he was there to pick me up, I happened to show him I had been shorted in my check. He made a harrumphing sound. Then, he pushed open the aluminum double doors to the kitchen like he was in the Wild West. I heard more yelling. He emerged from the kitchen, with doors swinging, but with a fist full of money in his hand. He shoved the bills into his pocket and in front of the whole, stunned diner said, “We are leaving now,” as he guided me to the door. That job was over and frankly, I was relieved. My dad practiced fair and equal treatment of everyone alike, men and women, employees and patrons. He would not tolerate his daughter being unfairly treated.

If you are not familiar with the term “hyper masculinity,” it refers to what we used to call “being macho.” Sociologically and psychologically, it is an emphasis on stereotypical male behaviors, like aggression, physical strength and callous attitudes toward women. It is not new. What is new about it is its prevalence in books, podcasts, social media and in some churches, where strict traditional interpretations of gender roles are emphasized. This was made clear just this week when the Southern Baptist Convention strengthened its emphatic denial of the role of preacher to women.

Today, testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), has become popular to help men feel more manly. The current Secretary of Health and Human Services shows off and brags about his physique at age 70 and emphasizes that men should be manly. I remember a comedy routine on Saturday Night Live by “Hans and Franz,” who mocked bodybuilders, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, saying, “We're here to pump you up.” In today’s world, this is not a subject for joking.

Many in the popular media decry that the role of men in society has been trivialized. They would go so far as to say it has been “feminized.” They see higher education for women leading to a lower birth rate. They emphasize a return to strict interpretation of roles for men and women, with women being subordinate and not out in the workforce.

Some women have embraced this defined role for themselves and are referred to as “trad wives.” Some are saying the quiet part out loud, that the trouble started when women got the right to vote with the 19th Amendment. They would like to see that go away, like Roe v. Wade did, after being the law of the land for 50 years.

Azeen Ghoradyshi, writing in the New York Times magazine on May 24, 2026, said that the fixation on musculature has given way to body dysmorphia among men, similar to what women suffer. Women are held to an impossible standard of beauty, which makes them feel bad about their natural bodies. Now, men are similarly held to an impossible standard of manliness. The author noted that men’s health concerns have not gotten the medical attention they deserve over the years. Men’s life expectancy is shorter than women’s, and men’s suicide rates are higher. These are serious medical concerns that cry out for proper attention. Prescribing more testosterone is not a valid answer for these serious problems.

Today’s fathers have a difficult path to negotiate. Work demands loom large. Careers are not always as fulfilling as promised. A family’s economic survival often depends on two incomes.

Social support for men does not exist in the way it once did in the form of social clubs and other activities. Men report feeling lonely and isolated. And in terms of men in churches, there are fewer of them there, too. Having a church leadership role used to be a desired status for men in the community. The demands of parenting today require vigilance over social media use, willingness to coach or volunteer with numerous sports activities and spending quality time with family members. There is no time left for personal growth or spiritual reflection, especially if you are also trying to achieve a muscular physique.

So, dads of today, no pressure. We want you to be happy and healthy and to be around with us for a long time. We don’t need you to be a specimen of physical strength, hyped up on too many hormones. We want to share the load with you through mutual respect and teamwork. We want to be partners with you for a better tomorrow for all our children.

On this Father’s Day, let’s not turn back the clock on the role of women in society or overly emphasize hormonally beefed-up masculinity.

Happy Father's Day.